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Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me
I really miss reading yours and Derek's writing. I hope you find time to continue soon. Oh, and good luck with whatever you have going on :)

Thanks!  I haven’t been too inspired lately and very very insanely busy.  I may have exhausted Meredith Grey as a character or any novel situations to place herself into.  I also got a little tired with drama in groups, etc.  It’s pointless and I really don’t have time to waste on things that aren’t important.  

Additionally, I think my Derek has decided to move onto other RP groups.  She’s also really busy as a transfer student.  I’d definitely recommend following her on those other groups - if you message her, I’m sure she can give you the addresses.

Stay tuned - we might go back, but I’m guessing we probably won’t given the reasons above.  If we do, it’ll be when inspiration strikes.

I so appreciate the fact you loved our writing!  I enjoyed it too… perhaps melodramatic and over-sensationalized at times - something I’m working on dialing back in my own writing - and often filled with grammar errors and poor sentence construction.  But, let’s be real — definitely fun.  It can be a powerful tool, writing, and the RP form was fun while it lasted.

Now I’m moving on to alternative forms of writing, and really enjoying that as well.

Anyway - my point is, stay tuned!  We may be back, but that’s up to my Derek and the muse in my head.  :)

And if you loved our writing, definitely go message my Derek for his alternative accounts.  I know she has at least one on here and at least one on Facebook.  :)

1 year ago on 7 February 2013 @ 12:38am 1 note

Looking Beyond the Imperfections


It felt as though I had been holding my breath the very second the question came out of my mouth, like she would have said no to having a tour to the place that would serve as our future home. I breathe out, inhale sharply as I follow her movements but I snag her hand before I lose the courage. Her hand has always fit so perfectly in mine and it feels incredible, I am speechless as I feel it in mine - like two pieces of a puzzle fitting together.

I quickly step in front of her and pull her into the large space that would serve as the living room, the large windows allowing the moonlight to shine through and reflect off the hardwood floors. “This is what I would think we would use as the living room, as you can see, you can be in the kitchen and still have the ability to keep an eye on Zola so she can’t swallow any more wedding rings.” I give her a quick wink as to let her know I am simply kidding, attempting to lighten the mood even more. I give her hand a squeeze as my eyes glaze over the large space imagining what it will look like when we do finally move in. “A big comfy couch and a large colorful rug and a big tv and some toys for Zo and this room is set.” I was never meant to be a decorator clearly.

I pull Meredith back into the kitchen, past the counters, to a big door. I open and and sneak behind her and lead her into the somewhat small space. “Welcome to your new laundry room, it’s almost like at your mother’s house, right off the kitchen.” I grin as she looks around at the bare space and am thankful that I thought to put a big window that would show the water in the daylight. “I know laundry is boring so I put a window in here so we could enjoy it somewhat,” I say as I lean up against the doorframe and cross my arms as a smile spreads across my face. It was quite the brilliant idea, to me, at least.

The house is gorgeous.  Crown molding on the ceilings, a darker blue on the walls of the living room bleeding into a lighter blue for the kitchen.  It’s a welcoming shade, a type where when I unfocus my eyes, I can see what Derek has described.

It was designed with us, with me, in mind.

It was designed in a time before the heartbreak, before affairs were exposed, before truth was shattered.  It captures a more loving union between husband and wife.

It’s still gorgeous.

I walk to the window, lean against the pane and look out over the view.  I don’t know what to say, so I make a joke, while keeping my eyes trained out of the window.  ”I will probably never get laundry done; I’ll just keep staring out the window.”

I turn, lean back against the wall.  ”So, what’s next?”

1 year ago on 24 November 2012 @ 3:32am 13 notes

Looking Beyond the Imperfections


My eyes are trained on Meredith as I stand by the front door, and I half start to laugh at myself. Like I could ever walk out the door, not now. I contain my laughter and maintain composure enough to hear Meredith’s question.

I shake my head and stride over until I am standing in front of her, getting there quicker than I had anticipated. I lean down and place my lips on hers, gently returning the kiss I had not returned earlier in the day. Inhaling sharply, I glance at where her eyes were previously trained and I nod in agreement before “breathtakingly beautiful” slips out of my mouth, but when the words come out I am not looking out the window, I am looking straight at Meredith. Her ocean colored eyes are trained on my own deep blues and the shades of blue come alive as I take half a step closer, looking down at her before brushing a lock of her blonde hair behind her ear. “Thank you, I am glad you like it. Want to see the rest?”

I duck my head, a shy smile on my lips, after he asks the question.  This all feels really new to me.  It feels a little like the first time you go to a boyfriend’s place, when he’s showing you around, but you feel a little like you don’t belong and you’re really wondering what’s going to happen when he shows you his bedroom.

"Yeah," I breathe out.  "Yeah, let’s go look at it."  I push off the counter, stay for a moment only few inches from Derek, before moving to the kitchen’s entrance.  "Well?"

He follows, snags my hand, and I look down at the two intertwined.  I have always thought hand holding was under appreciated as a romantic entanglement   In my twenties, I’d have sooner sleep with someone than hold their hands.  It feels weird to be holding Derek’s hand again, but I smile anyways, make a motion to the house with my other.  ”So, where do we begin the tour?”

1 year ago on 22 November 2012 @ 11:21pm 13 notes

Looking Beyond the Imperfections


I could fight this, but I am not that strong. I want to hold her in my arms again, she makes every thing right. I need to be free with Meredith tonight, I need her love.

8:00 pm. 

The watch on my left wrist ticks as I continue to run my hand along the railing of the overpass, the once cold metal no longer having an effect on me. I feel helpless to my own feelings; they were conflicting, butting heads with one another as I relentlessly tried to pry them apart. I feel her hands on my skin and I shut my eyes tight, holding onto the subtle feeling. 

“I will be there because I believe in our future.  It’s time for you to decide if you believe in it too.”

Her words travel through my mind as the feeling of her touching me fades to nothing and I am back where I started, going in circles. If Meredith wanted to be treated better she wouldn’t be choosing to invest her time in our future. I take a deep breath, my heartbeat seemed to be vacant and I suddenly find myself wishing I could restart my own heart. I run my tongue along the bottom of my teeth as my thoughts close in on me one by one. 

8:15 pm.

I am pulling into the driveway of the new house, my headlights flicker against the blue of her car, casting aside my fears of not seeing her Jeep in the driveway. Turning off the engine, I take a deep breath as my fingers fumble at the handle and then stop all together. My eyes travel to and become fixed upon the house in front of me. Come on, Derek. I can feel my own eyes fill with fear as I step out onto the driveway, the gravel crunching beneath my own two feet which, despite my best efforts, continue to carry me closer to the front door.

I feel anxiety creep up on me as I try to remember if she said 8:15 or 6:15, but when I open the front door she is standing in the open kitchen, which confirms I was on time, but my anxiety does not cease as I fight through the murky, cloudy, place I call my own mind.

I need to be free with you tonight.

I need your love.

My mantra which brought me to the house helps me open my mouth. “8:15 right?” 

When the door opens, I turn at the sound.  A small smile spreads across my lips as I nod.  ”8:15.”

I don’t move, because Derek looks ready to bolt at a moment’s notice.  Instead, I lean against the counter and admire the view out the kitchen window.  My hands grip the counter tightly, blood draining until the knuckles are white.  I know my body blocks my one sign of weakness from Derek and I am thankful for this.

I believe in the future, but I still can be afraid.  I believe in the joy of the moment, but I still fear the hurt that could be in store.

"It’s beautiful, Derek."  I look at him.  "Don’t worry, I didn’t look around, didn’t want to spoil your plans.  But even just this room, just this view… it’s beautiful."  I smile at him.  "Can you see the view from there?"  It’s an invitation for him to step closer, because I know he cannot look out the window from his current location in the room.  I wonder if he will move.

1 year ago on 22 November 2012 @ 1:00am 13 notes

Looking Beyond the Imperfections


My eyes jolt upwards and land on Meredith’s as I search them for confirmation of the words she had just spoken. She had my heart on a string, alway did, through thick and thin even. My mouth runs bone dry as I look into her eyes, that ocean blue color jerking all logic just out of my reach. I realize I have not said anything, but her hand gives mine a squeeze and suddenly nothing makes sense. 

“Wait.. what did you say? Sorry I.. uhmm… forgot what you said. Did you say six? Because I mean I have loads of things to take care of.. and I.. didn’t think you would agree so I thought I might as well ask, and I already did.. kinda.. but nevermind.. just I will see you tomorrow, I guess.”

I run a shaky hand through my hair and suddenly feel bad for her having to hold my now clammy and ice cold hand. I jerk it out of her grasp and stare at the floor. 

“You don’t have to spend your time with me, I certainly don’t deserve it, Meredith.”

When Derek jerks his hand out of mine, I search his face for malice, for a sign that he doesn’t want me.  I don’t find that.  I find a man insecure around the woman who is still is wife, a man who realizes he fucked up and is nervous that he can’t repair that.

"Derek."  I speak his name, softly, trying to get him to look at me.  He refuses, so I step closer, capture his head in my hands tenderly.

I guide his face up, until I can train my eyes on his.  ”Listen to me.  I am free at eight pm.  I will be meeting you at the house at 8:15 pm.  I will be there because I believe in our future.  It’s time for you to decide if you believe in it too.”

I lean forward and up, and brush my lips against his, a small kiss, a simple one, before releasing his face.  ”I’ll be at the new house at 8:15.  I hope you’ll be there too.”  I give Derek a little smile before walking away down the hall, to do list already swimming in my head.

I don’t look back.  I don’t know why I don’t, but I cannot.  Instead, I turn the corner, pause for a second - 8:15 runs though my mind - before disappearing back into the bustle of the hospital.

I live for 8:15.  I’m looking to the future.  I live for tonight.

1 year ago on 22 November 2012 @ 12:14am 13 notes

Looking Beyond the Imperfections


“Well, that was unexpected..,” is all that comes out of my mouth because, frankly, I am taken aback by the fact that she wanted to go.. with me.

Before she can take back her acceptance of my invitation, I blurt out “actually, Callie already has Zo, she wanted to take her out for a walk earlier and I obliged.” 

I glance around at everyone in the same vicinity as us, nervously I clear my throat before staring down at my two feet. “So do you want to go later tonight?”

I half expect her to say no, and have that followed by a ‘let’s do it next week’ so I practically hold my breath in an effort to make myself stand taller and not crumble to the floor. The bright red color Starbucks cup I have in my hand has a smiling snowman on it, and it says “Share the joy” and I cannot help but feel like the cup is mocking me. 

Derek is looking at me like I’m about to turn and bolt at a moment’s notice, and I can’t blame him; that has been my mode of operation in years past.  But when I make a decision, I stand by it.

I’m done of running.  I’m done of hiding.  I’m tired of living in the past and forgetting the moment.

Derek makes me happy.  He sometimes shatters me, he sometimes leaves me in ruins, but most of the time he makes me happy.  He loves my daughter, and she loves him.

It’s time to embrace the holiday season, it’s time to welcome him back into my life.  So when he asks if we could go tonight, I snag his hand and wait until he’s looking at me.  ”Yes.  I have a surgery at six, but I’ll have the residents close - I can be out by eight.  I’ll meet you there?”

He seems stunned, so I give his hand a squeeze.  ”Hey.  You still there?”

1 year ago on 21 November 2012 @ 11:05pm 13 notes

Looking Beyond the Imperfections


“Maybe it’s too soon, you know?” Mark had been grilling me, expanding my own insecurities concerning my relationship with Meredith ever since the rocky road with my affair with Addison.

“It’s been two weeks, and we have been spending more and more time together. We are ready for a trip to the new house together. Plus, she hasn’t seen the new front door, or the new hardwood floors.” I find it silly as I am trying to justify a trip out to my own house with my wife to my best friend, him, obviously, thinking it was a recipe for disaster.

“She’s ready and I am going to ask her… today. When I see her next actually,” I say proudly, sure of myself for a split second. Mark gives me a “Mhmmm” nod, like he knew what was going through my mind, practically calling my bluff.

I down the rest of my latte, letting the caffeine act as my liquid courage for the next couple hours while I wait to ask Meredith to go to the new house with me. The cup being empty, I glance around for a trash can, but I see Meredith out of the corner of my eye walking right towards me. Darting her gaze, I internally panic as I feel the courage drain out of every part of my body. I take a deep breath and run a nervous hand through my dark locks. I feel like a boy in twelfth grade about to go up to his crush’s locker and ask her to homecoming, even worse, the prom.

Mark laughs at me, before leaving giving me a pat on the back, more condescending than anything. I stick my hands in my lab coat pockets as I start walking towards Meredith, meeting her halfway. I lean in and give her a innocent kiss on the cheek, standing in front of her as my mind reels with her answer to my question.

She puts her hands on her hips, quizzical as to why I am being so weird. Before she can say anything besides my name, I put my pointer finger on her lips, a smile grazing across my lips. “Let’s take a trip to the new house. Tonight. You and me, we can eat dinner on the living room floor, and I want you to see the new stuff that was done last week.” Her light blue eyes study my own hopeful deep blues as I wait for her answer. I feel geekier with every second that passes; I really do belong in the twelfth grade. 

The words come out of my mouth before I’ve really thought about them.  ”Okay, yes.”  His smile makes it worthwhile though.  There’s a twinkle in the blue I haven’t seen in months, a giddiness behind the smile that’s breaking through.

Wow.  He really needed me to say yes.  And given that his smile has tugged a matching one to my lips, maybe I did too.

Maybe this would be perfect.

A new start to a new relationship, where we could live in happiness.  A new start far from that which has kept us apart in the past.  A new start, a new house, a new home.

"Yeah," I repeat. "Let’s do it.  I’m sure Lexie or Callie will take Zola.  Let’s do a date night at the house."

1 year ago on 16 November 2012 @ 2:30am 13 notes

OOC: Probably one of my favorite Meredith/Teddy scenes ever.

Not that there are exactly a lot to choose from, but I laugh at this scene every time.

via  theodora-altman  (originally  zozoshepherd)
1 year ago on 16 November 2012 @ 2:25am 263 notes
(Text) Hey Mer. How are you doing? I feel like it's been a while since we've had the chance to talk.

[Text]  Hey Izzie, things have been chaotic.  I hardly have my head on straight most of the time, let alone keep in contact with people - sorry!  How are things from your end?

2 years ago on 7 October 2012 @ 1:49am
You should change your description, you aren't a resident anymore. :)

ooc: thank you!! :)

2 years ago on 6 October 2012 @ 4:05am